Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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