i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize