Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I just put wine in my tea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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