I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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