There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
