When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
