Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
