he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
