I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she peed on how many people?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
