where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
