i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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