i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
