i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
where are my eyebrows?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
