you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
