I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
