Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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