She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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