Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
