yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
