So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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