your thong is hanging out like whoa
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
