dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
