they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
