I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
