Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
