How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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