her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack