she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica