Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen