im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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