Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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  (816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart. http://tfl.nu/md27
  Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (1241)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.

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  (203): Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art. http://tfl.nu/xn8o
  Replies (11) Good night (3957) Bad night (644)
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  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

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  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1861) Bad night (7198)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

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  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (7314) Bad night (1992)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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  (973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f
  Replies (6) Good night (5693) Bad night (1085)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

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  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5741) Bad night (1009)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.

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  (802): No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said. http://tfl.nu/3y67
  Replies (11) Good night (665) Bad night (1451)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.

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  (214): I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities. http://tfl.nu/q7gc
  Replies (10) Good night (1615) Bad night (789)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.

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  (908): How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks. http://tfl.nu/jloo
  Replies (11) Good night (899) Bad night (2540)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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  (214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/y3l1
  Replies (15) Good night (2210) Bad night (725)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes. 

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  (406): Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.  http://tfl.nu/b2xf
  Replies (2) Good night (1093) Bad night (568)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.

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  (337): I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet. http://tfl.nu/ug81
  Replies (5) Good night (3313) Bad night (679)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room

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  (412): Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room http://tfl.nu/5tlt
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (502)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment

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  (701): He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment http://tfl.nu/7mc6
  Replies (3) Good night (1839) Bad night (431)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP

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  (212): Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP http://tfl.nu/utcx
  Replies (2) Good night (741) Bad night (309)

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