I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
