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i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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