...so i touched it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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