talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
