Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
