just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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