I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
