he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
