The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
