Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
