i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize