Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
