I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You can't special order awesome
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
