I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
