update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
