I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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