Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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