If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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