there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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