I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
