so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize