his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
