Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
