Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
