I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
that is very illegal...i love you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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