I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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