Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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