Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
