on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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