***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
