even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
