and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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