Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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