Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this boner is exhausting
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
