just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
