Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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