I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
