Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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