If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
