Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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