Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
