I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
