i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
