My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
