yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
