Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
