Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
