one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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