Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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