Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sex in a hospital.. check
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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