Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
